Today my roommate walked into the kitchen as I was making coffee. He made himself a cup of instant coffee (gross) while I was brewing my own cup and asked if the coffee maker I was using was mine. It’s a pretty standard European espresso-type coffee maker that you stick on the stove … something I first got acquainted with during my last time here, which is, in my opinion, subpar when compared to a french press, but has its own merits. I said no, it was his, and he remarked that he hadn’t used it in possibly a decade, that it was a relic that maybe belonged in a museum, and wasn’t sure where I had found it. This was a bit strange, because I had found it sitting in the cabinet above the stove, which makes me think that he maybe doesn’t even ever use those cabinets (which wouldn’t surprise me in the least, honestly). I laughed and said I had resurrected it in honor of the holiday, which he appreciated. Another successful interaction with my weird semi-goth super-awkward German roommate! And this time we talked for about 3 minutes, which might be a new record. I wanted to clean the whole damn kitchen this weekend because it’s pretty nasty in there, but having spent the last two days on extended crying jags, coupled with the fact that I haven’t been sleeping much, zapped any cleaning initiative I may have had when I first moved in. Soon I will probably start cleaning this week, once I feel a bit better about my life. I wonder how he’ll take it – whether he’ll be grateful or disturbed, like in Benny and Joon when Johnny Depp’s character cleans their entire house and Joon has a big spazz and kicks him out. Living with someone is still so weird for me, so I basically do my best to stay out of his way. He’s been rather nice, considering the fact that I haven’t paid rent yet, but I still am not sure exactly how to interact with him. I don’t mind sticking to my room, though, and I think as long as we can keep out of each other’s way we’ll do fine. Summer is coming (thankfully!), and I’ll want to be out of the apartment every day anyway.
This week is going to be really huge for me and I’m feeling rather apprehensive. I’m teaching tonight, which will be nice. Maybe they’ll even feed me again … but at the very least, it will be nice to leave the house and make some money. I’ll be teaching this student every night this week until Friday when she has her job interview. I’m not sure if the class will continue after Friday, but hopefully the interview goes well and they’ll want to hire me on a permanent basis. My last student who was preparing for an interview got the job, so I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed that my luck continues. Tomorrow I am waking up early and heading to the Bürgeramt in order to register myself in my new dwelling place. This is an important step toward getting my visa, but luckily an easy one. Tuesday I have my first real official class with what I’ll call School #3. I’m teaching someone I’ll call Mr. K – a German businessman who, according to my boss, is pretty laid back about the whole “making progress” thing and just wants to kind of learn English for fun. I’m supposed to give him lots of homework and do whatever fun things I want, which is good news because I’m more than a bit scared to start out in the TEFL field and I want to seem professional and capable. Having a rather laid-back student means that I can be a little less stressed and probably have more fun. After that I have an Ikea date with Antje which is extremely exciting because, well, Ikea is The Happiest Place On Earth. At least for me. I’ve spent all weekend fantasizing about what I will buy. The list includes a pillow, blanket, area rug, and some basic dishware, possibly some candles and knick-nacks! I’m so excited by all of this it’s almost pathetic … but you have to enjoy the small things, right?
Wednesday I will be mentally preparing myself for Thursday, aka The Day Of Reckoning, aka my appointment at the Ausländerbehörde. Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn … Sometimes I feel that it will be easy – I’ve got all the paperwork they need, I’ve got all sorts of proof of hireability, of established schools who want me to work there, I’ve got copies of my diploma, my transcript and my TEFL certificate, I’ve got pictures of myself, I’ve got letters from the health insurance company, I’ve got an apartment and a bank account and a job and I’m fluent in German … who WOULDN’T want me to immigrate into their country/city? Right?!? And yet … I’m terrified. What happens if I get turned away? Do I just book a flight back home? Do I try again? Will they kick me out? I’m not sure what exactly is so terrifying about the whole German bureaucracy thing, but it makes me feel completely irrational and out of control. I don’t want to jinx anything, but I will be praying and wearing every good luck charm I have (which is limited to lucky underpants and the evil-eye bracelet I bought myself in Istanbul) and if all goes well I will be celebrating in some fashion … most likely with a beer and a bar of Ritter Sport and ecstatically calling my mother.
What has really cheered me up this weekend has been having long-term thoughts and daydreams. The weather has also been helping – its been sunny and springtimey, a bit brisk but definitely nice enough to want to sit outside in a coat and soak up the sunshine as much as possible. The plans are thus: I plan on continuing to accumulate private lessons and also try to get some translation gigs while working as much as humanly possible, substituting, even babysitting, whatever it takes. As things pick up and I start making money, I plan on continuing my strict budget of spending next to nothing every day, which will also be aided by the purchase of a bicycle which will eradicate the need to ride the u-bahn. (Thinking about my bike is ALMOST as exciting as thinking about Ikea!!) So I basically will start raking in tons of cash while maintaining my current hermit crab habits and my penny-pinching ways. Once I’ve got my rent paid, next month’s rent saved, and an extra €300 in the bank, I’m sending it home and paying down my debt. I want to pay as much as possible now while I’m earning in Euros and I want to squash my credit card debt in 1-2 years. I’m also excited to make this little room just homey enough to be a nice retreat for the next few months, and to start looking for a new apartment this Summer, maybe even with Laura and Hannes! New clean and comfy apartment, best friends, bikes, sitting outside in parks, saving money … these thoughts are basically my best friend right now.
I’ve spent most of the morning reading the NY Times and the afternoon this far listening to npr. I miss my family so much at times like this, but yesterday I found a copy of The Ten Commandments online, and I watched all three-and-a-half-hours of it in my bed. It was surprisingly comforting, even if it’s not the same thing as actually being home. But spring is here and I’m going to put some faith into the power of positive thought and think the best for this week! In honor of my newfound (if slightly forced) positivity, here is my new springtime anthem:
